What's the difference between a dom and a dentist?

[kestrell]

Answer: the dom respects your pain limits. Story (because of course there is a story) follows.

I had a dentist appt. today with a dentist at my public health clinic. I've had him before, and I already didn't like him, because
he doesn't really listen, but today was the first time he was going to actually do a filling.

He gives me the shot of anesthesia, and a few seconds later begins poking me with a sharp pointy object and asking if I can feel that. I admit, I kind of hesitated, because I was trying to do the calculation
of whether I should ask for more anesthesia now or wait. I said yes, that hurt, but he gets all challenging: am I feeling actual pain? I replied yes, I could feel that he was poking me with a sharp object, so then he pokes the other side of my mouth and says is that painful? I'm beginning to get annoyed, so I said very specifically that yes, it felt the same being poked with a sharp pointy object on both sides of my mouth. He's still challenging me, and alternating it with telling me to open my mouth wider (I actually have a small mouth, which he finally figured out), and keep my chin up. He starts putting more tools into my mouth, with another severe command that I have to keep my chin up, and I can tell he is not going to give me more anesthesia.

Which is when I begin having a PTSD attack.

Seriously, I don't even have these anymore.

So I make a time-out sign with my hands and begin stuttering out, two words at a time, that I can't do this because I am having a PTSD attack, and then Alexx steps in and asks if I want to go home, and all I can do is basically nod.

I've spent my fair share of time in dungeons, and I never felt unsafe, but doctors--what the fuck?? Am I seriously expected to argue with someone over whether I can feel pain or not? Would I be having to have this argument if I was male?

I'm just sorry I didn't bite him. "Oh, are you sure you can feel that? How about now?"

Comments

[metahacker]

Yuck!

Is the answer "doms check in frequently with their partners"?

[kestrell]

Good man! Yes, check in, and then *respect the answer.*

[dewline]

I've had moments close to that with my dentists across the decades. I have wondered if this isn't an issue specific to dentists as a group, regardless of patient gender, but I am not going to quibble where your specific instance is concerned. At all.

[alexxkay]

I would not be surprised if this happens to women more often, but it definitely happens to men sometimes. As I know from painful experience.

[jesse_the_k]

Fuck that noise.

I am so sorry you had that experience, and would like to send your favorite flavor of ice cream (if that wouldn't hurt the tooth).

[kestrell]

*lol* Thank you very much for the thought, but Alexx *just* brought home a box of my favorite Nestle ice cream cones, and there is even a pint of chocolate Haagen Dazs in the freezer.

[siderea]

AUGH. Would have served him right if you had bitten him! But, damn, you shouldn't have to and that shouldn't have gotten to that point.

You're not wrong: a lot of medical providers are woefully deficient in their grasp of consent when regarded by the consent norms prevalent in BDSM, and would be well served by getting schooled in SCC and RACK.

Would you like my dentist's info? He's in North Cambridge, which would be a bit of a project for you to get to, but maybe worth it? He's a sweetie. We've had disagreements, but when over anaesthesia, they generally went the other way, where I'm saying, "Seriously, I don't need anaesthesia for this" and him going, "I do not want to have to worry about hurting you, so you're getting anaesthesia." And while we have had substantial disagreements about my care, they've been conducted in words, with him saying things like, "I really think you should have this procedure", as opposed to him stabbing me. And those of his hygienists I've had have been mostly top notch.

[alexxkay]

Do they take MassHealth?

[siderea]

No idea.

[kestrell]

Sure, send me his info--I can at least see if he is on my insurance plan. I'm trying another dentist at the local clinic on Friday.

Also, does your dentist do this: you go in for an exam one day, they do x-rays and a basic exam. Then you come back separately for fillings, and again for a cleaning. This is why I am ending up with about four visits in a one-month period. In addition, I have unrelated neurology and biopsy appts. next week, and all these medical visits are really stressing me out.
But is it now standard procedure to put each procdure in a separate visit?

[cvirtue]

No, it is not standard procedure to cause the customer/client/patient as much scheduling hassle as possible. At least, not industry-wide. The ones we go to try and stack appointments on the same day if possible, even when it's two different family members, assuming we want that, which they always ask.

If you have the bandwidth (and I know what it's like to NOT have the bandwidth) the dentist's behavior is worthy of a complaint to whatever licensing board governs him. Even laypeople know that anesthesia takes a while to work.