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What if...
May. 7th, 2013 04:32 pmThe Malleus Maleficarum turned out to be all true and Heinrich Kramer, instead of being a complete crackpot, was actually right about the powers possessed by certain witches?
Heinrich Kramer, sitting at a wooden table, glares at the three female witches standing before him.
HK: Do you confess?
Witch 1 quakes in fear.
Witch 2 attempts to look even more pitiful than she is.
Witch 3: Whatever. Guess what I have?
HK: You will answer the question!
Witch 3: Okay, I totally confess...I actually do have your penis.
[Pulling penis from behind her back and waggling it at HK].
Witch 3 [ in a squeky voice]: Heeeeelllllp me, Heiny!
Witch 1, who was not quaking in fear, cackles with laughter.
Witch 2, who may or may not be blind, runs to the other side of the room: Over here, over here!
Witch 3 tosses penis to Witch 2, who pauses to examine it: It doesn't look very hammer-like...
HK is too busy checking his pants to offer a counterargument as Witch 2, wiggling her nose to make the shackles disappear, says: I still don't get why we couldn't just leave it in a tree on the way out of town, like all the other times.
Witch 1, who has gotten a Sharpie from somewhere, is drawing a face on the penis, completing it with an eye patch, and merely replies "Arrrrrrrrgh!"
HK is still staring disbelievingly down his pants.
Witch 3: Okay, girls, enough fun, let's get this time-traveling show on the road. I want to be back in 21st century Salem in time for half-price margaritas at The Witches' Brew.
Heinrich Kramer, sitting at a wooden table, glares at the three female witches standing before him.
HK: Do you confess?
Witch 1 quakes in fear.
Witch 2 attempts to look even more pitiful than she is.
Witch 3: Whatever. Guess what I have?
HK: You will answer the question!
Witch 3: Okay, I totally confess...I actually do have your penis.
[Pulling penis from behind her back and waggling it at HK].
Witch 3 [ in a squeky voice]: Heeeeelllllp me, Heiny!
Witch 1, who was not quaking in fear, cackles with laughter.
Witch 2, who may or may not be blind, runs to the other side of the room: Over here, over here!
Witch 3 tosses penis to Witch 2, who pauses to examine it: It doesn't look very hammer-like...
HK is too busy checking his pants to offer a counterargument as Witch 2, wiggling her nose to make the shackles disappear, says: I still don't get why we couldn't just leave it in a tree on the way out of town, like all the other times.
Witch 1, who has gotten a Sharpie from somewhere, is drawing a face on the penis, completing it with an eye patch, and merely replies "Arrrrrrrrgh!"
HK is still staring disbelievingly down his pants.
Witch 3: Okay, girls, enough fun, let's get this time-traveling show on the road. I want to be back in 21st century Salem in time for half-price margaritas at The Witches' Brew.
